i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
