So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
