Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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