i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
