When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
