she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
