Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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