So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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