**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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