my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's just like the Real World with babies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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