i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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