3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
