it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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