If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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