Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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