Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
