Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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