Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
