I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
