She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
