Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
