so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
