never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
