we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
