So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize