Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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