So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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