i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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