He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
