i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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