his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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