Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize