I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
