I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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