Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
