when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
