Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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