You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
