She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
