i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
