There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
