I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
