Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
