Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The best revenge is premature balding
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
