I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
