Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
