So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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