i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
