Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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