VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
