the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
