i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
