batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
