I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
