dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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