Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
