it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
