He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
