You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
