I CAN MOONWALK!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
