Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
