You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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