You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
